I had my independence back but I didn’t really know what to do with it. I was listening to the radio one night and the question being discussed was ‘what have you been unprepared for?’
I was totally unprepared for how I would feel about all that happened in the last few years with my sight. Yes, I was angry the problem wasn’t resolved earlier. The pressure this situation put on Peter made me angry. He had to deal with the whole move, his change of job and he said sometimes he felt like a single parent as he was running the girls around, doing a lot in the house when I couldn’t, all the grocery shopping, cooking and cleaning and of course driving us everywhere. He had to fill in forms for me and show me where to sign, write everything I needed in large print, read to me, and sit back and let me try to exert my independence and watch carefully when I had a knife in my hand! He was very diplomatic and let the line behind me continue to grow while I struggled to get money out of the ATM and not tell me or try to take over. He had to cope with the rollercoaster of my emotions throughout this whole drama. He told me how relieved he was when it was all over. I think that was a bit of an understatement; as he had to deal with a menopausal, nearly blind wife and two teenage daughters who had all just moved to the country and he had started a new job!
The girls also had to make adjustments. They did miss out on some activities because I wasn’t able to drive them when Peter wasn’t here or I wasn’t feeling up to making the effort to organise whatever it was they wanted to do. They also learned a lot about people with disabilities and how to help. They became very good at looking after me when we were out but there were times they forgot to help me cross roads and had to come back to get me. They read menus and letters and recipes and paid bills for me. They had to look after themselves on nights Peter was away and I just could not cope and went to bed. They helped with the shopping, as I could not find items in our new supermarket. They also had to deal with a very emotional and erratic mother at a time when they were feeling a bit insecure. They had to cope with my drama, their dad’s new job and a new life that was very different. We had taken them away from all their friends and what they were familiar with. They started a new school, had to make new friends and find their way in a small country community. It was a totally different life Canberra where they grew up.
I was not prepared for the amount of surgery I would need. I can’t even begin to express how I felt about my team of doctors who worked so hard to restore my sight. I am so grateful they have so much amazing technology to be able to work their magic.
I was not prepared for the excitement of seeing everything again. I thought that I would just come home and life would revert to normal. I didn’t know what normal was anymore; my new life was very different to my life before I lost my sight. The first day I was home alone after I came out of hospital I felt very lost. The girls were at school, Peter had gone away for work and I didn’t know what to do.
I phoned Peter in tears. ‘What shall I do?’
‘Go for a walk,’ was his suggestion and he was right. Madeline and I set off to discover our village. Everything was so clear and bright and beautiful. My new life was here and I had to figure out what I was going to do. I needed to set goals for each day as I recovered from my surgery. I decided not to go back to my job in Canberra. As much as I loved what I did it was time to move forward and try something else.
I sat in coffee shops, reading the newspaper and watching the passing parade of people. The first time I did this I rang Peter in tears (again) to tell him how wonderful it was. I went shopping and could actually read the price tags and see the detail in the material. I have a shirt I bought during the days I could see very little and I was surprised to see it had beautiful embroidery on it, I thought it was a plain white shirt. I put colour back in my life, bright beautiful colour. I walk into unfamiliar places with confidence and I smile at everyone. I don’t know if my cooking has improved but I read recipes again. I have no excuses now about the housework but sometimes it is more important to sit in the sun with a good book. I spent a lot of time sitting outside watching the birds and looking at the stars and the moon. This whole journey had been a rollercoaster ride but we were at the end. We were living in our new home in the country in our new community. I certainly enjoyed looking at the birds, the ducks, the sheep, the cows, the trees, our pets, our house, my children and my husband. Everything was just gorgeous. My girls were over it. Over me carrying on how exciting it was to see everything but they also appreciated what we had been through and were really pleased that it was all over.
My eyes are so precious. They are unusual. The doctors were able see something different as it is very unusual to see a patient who had cataract surgery in the early 1960’s. Cataract patients are usually elderly when they have their cataracts removed, so there are not many people still around who had surgery when I did and the doctors really appreciated being able to see how it was done. The amazing cornea transplants, the tissue donation from that wonderful unknown donor who gave me really great vision seventeen years ago. I will never forget the team who gave me my sight back after the cornea transplants stopped working.
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